I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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