i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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