she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
