Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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