I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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