so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
