he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
