i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
