I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
