hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
