in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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