First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
