I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
