when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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