every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
