Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
