You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
