Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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