Someone shit on the floor
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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