party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
