mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
