found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
