Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
