he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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