miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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