i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
NoShamevember. You game?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
