your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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