And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
