I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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