did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
