So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
