I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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