Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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