The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
