i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
