i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
