38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
