What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
