her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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