I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
