Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
