The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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