Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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