he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
