I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
