I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
