and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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