i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
