then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
