Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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