My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
